I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
