please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize