I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
