His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Someone shit on the floor
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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