As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
