Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
