walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
