I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
