He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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