Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
