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remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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