If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
