thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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