i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
