well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
