Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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