Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
