The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
