so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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