just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
