careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
