I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
People in love make me want to vomit
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
