I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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