The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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