Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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