my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
babies were throwing up all over the place
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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