If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
