Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
