Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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