how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
