I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
