can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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