When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
