i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
