I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
