nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
