Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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