hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
