I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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