You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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