Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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