You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
