She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
