I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
