he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize