I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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