your parents love me but you hate me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
