How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
