This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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