Pants 0. Shit 1.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
