i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i dont even know how to be here
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
