I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
