I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
