the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
