Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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