Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
