I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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