she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize