wanna go halves on a baby?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't deserve a penis
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
