yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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