Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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