I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
