girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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