How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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