all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
