The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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