my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize