She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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