i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
