I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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