Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
