Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
