exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
