Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize