I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
