2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
