so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
