So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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