I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it's great music for shaving your balls
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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