I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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