Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
