Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
